FunPen

We had moved to our own domain!!!

2008-07-07T22:54:00.000-07:00

We had moved this blog to our own domain and onto our own servers so we can enjoy all the features and benifits of WordPress....like small URL, multimedia, Files, many more.

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please visit this new blog here after for new posts.

Confident vs. confidential

2008-03-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and
confidential? "
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over
there, is also my son, that's confidential! "

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Meaning of a WIFE

2008-03-28T06:30:00.000-07:00

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without
Information Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

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Brother wanted

2008-03-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother"....
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....

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Losing all your friends

2008-03-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."

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What is the Fun about Indian premier league (IPL)

2008-03-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

Actually Indian cricket board started this IPL against Indian cricket League(ICL) which was started by subash Chandra of Zee Network to stop the monopoly of BCCI which is a private board for cricket, but I don’t know how much ICL earned but ICL made around 8 thousand crore rupees which is around two hundred crore dollars some players who doesn’t even played a match in international cricket has earned lakhs of rupees just to play seven to ten matches The most funniest thing is Symonds, Australian cricket hero earned the maximum amount of whooping 8 crore rupees who was said to be racially abused by Indian audience at various grounds in India when Australia toured in India, Australia is no more number one which was occupied by South Africa and followed by India, Now all the Australian players are interested to play in IPL and to earn money not to play series with Pakistan

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She, He...And a love story

2008-03-20T21:20:00.000-07:00

Friend: Happy birthday!
She : Haan...tha......nk yo....u...was just getting up from the bed.

Friend : Oh! That means I am the first to wish you!
She : Naa! He has already wished me at 12 in the night.

Friend : Who???
She : Come on, who else, Nitin.

Friend : Oh, ok. So, what's the plan for today?
She : Nitin told me that he has a surprise gift for me for my Birthday. And
also we are going to Flower Show today. I am excited! I have never seen the
flower show that happens in Lal Baug. Actually that itself is the most
wonderful gift for me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friend : "Did you go to Palace grounds all the way from Basavanagudi, to
see Bryan Adam's show!!! Who accompanied you?"
She : Nitin

Friend : By the way, who referred your CV in SoCrates? I mean you don't
know anyone there, right?
She : No, he forwarded my CV to one of his friends there.

Friend : I heard that the HR round interview went on till 8pm in the night.
I think you faced difficulty in returning to your room.
She : No, he had come to pick me up. He came from his office, dropped me to
my room and he returned to his room at around 11pm. He didn't have dinner
also. I asked him to have at my room. Poor Nitin.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friend : If you are supposed to go home tomorrow itself then what about
reservation?
She : I have told him, he will go to Majestic and would get it done, and he
told he has some work in Majestic. That's why I am relaxed a bit.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friend : How was your written test in Philips?
She : I failed yaar. The day before the test I had prepared perfectly.
Nitin had come to our room. He taught me the basics of embedded programming
concepts. I was very confident only because of him. But something else was
in store for me.

Friend : Then, what did you do on Sunday?
She : We had gone to see "Lakshya". He doesn't see Hindi movies. But as I
was upset after failing in the Philips written test, he took me for movie.
I was very happy and surprised that he himself decided for a Hindi movie,
and he was very happy that I enjoyed the movie. And you know; we had dinner
in Pizza hut. It was his belated B'day treat!

Friend : And, what was your belated gift ;-)
She : Gift!! I had given the gift on his B'day itself. I was the first to
call him at 12 in the night, he was busy throughout the day, and somehow we
could meet in the evening and I gifted him with a cute time piece with a
nice quote on it. He doesn't have time sense, so my time piece must always
remind him of this. That day he didn't give me any treat as he had to go
back to office. Yesterday I had a fight over this, you know! Poor kid.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friend : Hello...what about our sari shopping program in Malleshwaram?
She : Listen, I will call you later.

Friend : You didn't call me back in the morning, so I called now.
She : Yeah, when you called I was in Koramangala, with Nitin. He was very
upset in the morning. He had a fight with his elder brother. So, it
wouldn't have been fair on my part to leave him alone. If I am with him in
such situation very soon he comes back to normalcy. So I postponed the
Malleshwaram program.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friend : Hey! What happened? You seem to be very happy today.
She : Why not? You know today is one of the most happiest days for me.
Nitin got an onsite assignment in UK, for 6 months! That's why I am very
happy. All of his hard work paid today. He had been waiting for this
opportunity since long. He'll be leaving next month.

Friend : You will miss him.
She : Badly. I am so much dependent on him. I must thank Sanju, through him
only I got to know Nitin. Without Nitin it would have been very difficult
for me to stay in this alien city with no friends, relatives and on top of
all, no job. He has been so caring friend all through my tough times in
this city, he is so mature, so understanding, so trustworthy...a true
friend.

Friend : He loves you yaar.
She : I know.

Friend : And you? Don't you love him?
She : I don't want to.

Friend : Don't tell me. You also feel for him.
She : I know yaar. He has everything that I expect in my
dream-life-partner. I know I can never get a true life partner like him.
But I don't want to commit.

Friend : What is stopping you? I really don't understand. When Miya-beevi
are razi kya karega kazi?
She : Please...don't say like that. I never told him that I love him or
something like that.

Friend : Is he a fool not to understand your feelings which are so clear
from outside only? Poor fellow, don't leave him alone.
She : I have told him everything about my family. He knows how orthodox my
parents are. They can never expect me marrying a guy from a different
caste. They trust me. Come what may, I will not hurt my parent's feelings.
I cannot imagine also. Now they are happily searching a guy for me in my
native place.

Friend : Hmm, I don't understand at all.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She : This Saturday I have to go home, a guy is coming to see me.
Friend : Oh! Is it? Good news yaar. Your first interview! Wish you all the
best.

Friend : Any guesses, who is he?
She : Please yaar. I am least bothered and least interested. For the sake
of my parents' happiness I have agreed for this.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friend : What about the interview, I was expecting your call actually?
She : Nothing so special. I didn't like the guy's attitude. I told my
parents clearly. My parents are very understanding and so they too told me
that they won't go ahead with this matter.

Friend : But still you should have analyzed properly.
She : I shared my views with Nitin. He had called me the next day. He
didn't suggest me anything. He didn't tell me to say "yes" or "no", he
didn't preach what is right or what is wrong. But after talking to him I
was satisfied that whatever decision I took was right.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friend : Yesterday your mobile was engaged for more than half an hour. I
kept trying, but I slept after 11pm.
She : Yeah, I was talking to Nitin. He is very much worried about my
marriage. He is concerned whether I would get a guy of my choice or not,
whether I would be happy with him or not. I was very sad to know this. But
I am helpless. I pacified him and convinced that whatever my parents do,
that will be the best for me, so no need to worry.

Friend : How Nitin will feel after you get married? Will he not be upset
all the time?
She : Time will change everything. He will start living again. Was he not
leading a normal life before I came into his life? It's all matter of time.
Even I can't do anything other than pacifying him and myself with these
philosophical statements.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally " She" got engaged with a guy of her parent's choice (with her
"yes" of course). She is in touch with both Nitin and the new " him"
regularly through chatting in Yahoo Messenger.

Finally " She" got happily married to " him", very soon converting Nitin
into memories, but deleting the memories was slow and almost impossible for
Nitin.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do girls do like this?

She needs him when she is new to the city.
She needs his help in finding out a PG or hostel for her
She makes him prepare a good-format-CV for her
She needs him to drop her to the venue of a walk-in interview
She expects him to collect all the consultants' mail ids
She needs him while preparing for the interviews
She needs his help in identifying HER skill sets, strengths and weakness!
She wants him to conduct a mock-interview for her!
She gives her yahoo mail id password so that he can forward her CV to
consultants through internet in his office (in office hours!)
She needs him for boosting her confidence when she fails in the 1 st
written test in her life
She wants him to take her to M.G Road , Brigade Road, Forum and Big bazaar
She needs his company while visiting all the temples in Malleshwaram on
Vijayadashami, though he is not a believer of God.
She asks his opinions on importance of marriage
She wants him to be a shoulder to cry when her parents force her for
marriage
She needs his help in preparing her mind for the first interview with a guy
She needs his help in deciding about the marriage proposal
She loves to share her happiness with him when she gets engaged
She expects him to attend her marriage (Come on guys, he is a true friend
of her!)

The guy does all this honestly, without saying a single "No".

He loves her.
He cares for her.
Whatever he is today; it is only because of her entry in to his life.
He treats her as his life.
She changed him.
It is only because of her, he is smiling.
It is only because of her, he has forgotten the past bitter experiences.
She is the first person in his life to influence him so much.
He was the " bhatka hua musafir" and she came as his " manzil".
He threw the cigarette in the dust-bin because of her.
He has cultivated a positive attitude towards marriage and family because
of her.
She is the perfect Indian woman he has ever seen.
He keeps a photo of Lord Krishna in his purse now; only because of her
(also it is her favorite deity!).
Weekends come and go without his notice; it is only because of her.
He stopped going to office on Weekends; it is only because of her.
Onsite project was his dream; he puts all his efforts now, not to get an
onsite assignment but to get a job for her in Bangalore.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The girl depends on the guy as if she never lived and can never live
without him. Guy behaves as if he has taken birth on this earth only to
care for that lady. She treats him as a shoulder to cry and he treats her
as a puppy in a rain storm. She loves to depend and he loves to take care,
finally they fall in so called "love", ultimately adding an unnecessary
trauma to life. Girls want a perfect life partner but they don't want to
hurt their parents' feelings, guys know that they can't get her but still
they want to care for her(because they want her to be happy wherever she is
and with whoever she is).Great! Or shall I say crap!

Or I think no need to be so serious about it.

She gets engaged, life goes on...
Long lasting phone calls become short and sweet, life goes on...
A heart which was used to "Good morning" SMSs learns to be happy with just
the "Happy weekend" SMSs, life goes on...
No more "Unread messages" in the yahoo mail, life goes on...
No one to share coffee at "Barista" at the end of a tiring working day,
life goes on...
No more consultants' calls to be diverted and life goes on...
He starts smoking again, life goes on...
He is still living in flashback, and no looking back for her, but life goes
on...
He gets promoted, he is a manager, she is mother of two kids, and life goes
on...
He is in his late twenties, happily married to a beautiful, understanding,
mature, caring, broad minded wife! Anyway life goes on...

Who knows, among these "Nitin"s someone will come up as "Cheran" (ace
Tamil film director)and make a wonderful movie "My autograph" telling us of
his unsuccessful love stories, or someone will come up as "Sudeep"( Kannada
film actor turned director) who goes to his flashback after seeing this
movie and then decides remaking this movie in Kannada, giving common people
an opportunity to relive their past love-life at least for 3 hours, that
too with their spouses, without any problem! Because there is " She" in
every wife and there is Nitin in every husband (most of the times!). There
are dumb spectators like " Friend" who are puzzled to see the whole episode
between "She" and Nitin and just ask themselves " WHAT IT IS???" .

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A bus conductor

2008-03-20T21:15:00.001-07:00

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to boardthe bus,but he didn't stop the bus.Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and diedon the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capitalpunishment.He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. Theconductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given tohim. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set himfree, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good lo! oking middle aged womantried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.Unfortunately,this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus anddied on the spot.Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turntook him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gavehimcapital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocutionchamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room anda single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to thechair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also toeveryone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, andhereturned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board thebus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences,stoppedthe b! us. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to hisinjuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then tothe court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, butconsidering his past record the judge decided to set an example andgave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the sameelectrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the centerof the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He wasstrapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This timehe died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but diedinstantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves.

This is rather interesting and answer isperfectly logical.

If necessary read the puzzle once again.!

Still you couldn't, Then see below.........

think hardcommon .............

tired....
wanna know the answer????

ok........

there is the Answer............

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time,hewas a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!!Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity!!

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A bus conductor

2008-03-20T21:15:00.000-07:00

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What happens if 1 Rupee = 45 Dollars

2008-03-20T20:44:00.000-07:00

Enjoy with Future India after 50 Years.

What happens if 1 rupee = 45 dollars !............ ......... ....

Scene 1:

Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US Some s/w

Some software engineers are Watching some photographs.

s/w engg 1 : What's that?

s/w engg 2 : Bob's photographs from India ..

s/w engg 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?

s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Mumbai

s/w engg 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.

s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan...

s/w engg 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs? Nearly 60K..... Say it in dollars... (60000*45 = 27,00,000 dollars)

s/w engg 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.

s/w engg 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.

[Everybody excited.]

SCENE 2:

Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California , US

s/w engg 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will fly to India

s/w engg 2 : Ohhh.... When is the party?

s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.

s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?

s/w engg 1 : I'll be working in a company in Sadashiv Peth

s/w engg 2 : Oh! Sadashiv Peth. Great yaar.

where it is...

s/w engg 1 : It is in Pune ..

s/w engg 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California .. You'll love the weather yaar.

s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?

s/w engg 1: You know Municipal Corporation of Pune ?

s/w engg 3 : Yeah. MCP. One of my friends is there in the RoadRepair & Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are workingin the cutting edge of technology there.

s/w engg 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department ofthe GCU.

s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means...?

s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.

s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about that country.You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like here. SeeI'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control. I hate this.

s/w engg 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it tothe HRD.

[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]

SCENE 3 :

Venue: IBM, New York , US

(Conversation between a Male s/w engg. and Female s/w engg.)

Male : Hi!

Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.

Male : What??

Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doinghis Ph.D in V.T.U and he's coming here for a month. His study will be over in 2 months.

He's already got a job in MSEB. We planned to settle in Banglore itself... I'm also planning to work there.Let's see... Male: Good luck... dont forget us & US...

SCENE 4 :

Venue: Intel Corp. US

s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the IGNOU with scholarship for B.A History. A greatnew field yaar...
All are excited... George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.

s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.

s/w engg 1 : B.A in Histroy...ohh. ....man, enjoy your life there?

s/w engg 2 : : Got full aid, eh? George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees per Year.

s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy. s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees...! that means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars... with that amount I can buy a three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!!

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porno poem

2008-03-20T20:42:00.000-07:00

John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's
side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she
was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might
spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into the room and
asked him: 'Bring this note to your beautiful Mummy.' The note read:

The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.

Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son: 'Bring this to
your silly Daddy.' The note read:

Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.

John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to
take it back to 'The lady in the kitchen'. The note read:

The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.

Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to 'Take this to
the poor man upstairs'. The note read:

I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand!

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Wanna become a smart Design Engineer

2008-03-18T22:01:00.000-07:00

Once a smart Design engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards
Ooty in a train. Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting
along with her grand ma. With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started
between our engineer & that girl. After some minutes, train started moving
in to a tunnel and it was very dark.

Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping..
Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed
my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately
slapped that guy."

PM thought that,"I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it
is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"

That girl thought that,"I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel
sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".

Finally, do u know what our clever Design engineer thought?

" This one minute in my life is wonderful, It hardly comes...because, at a
time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM."

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Old Weird looking Book seller on a Full moon night

2008-03-18T21:40:00.000-07:00

If you know some one staying in Pune let them know this. If you are
In pune, do go through this story COZ, its a real one. Read this true
story... and let everybody you know in and around Pune especially University
Road
.........

My friend lives in Deccan ... One day he went to University Road to
Visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding in Lonavla.
One evening he and some other of my college friends went to Adlabs for a
movie.
He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late.
He caught the last PMT to University Road ..... he reached University
Road around midnight...... He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to
home.... As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt
very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an
old weird-looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to
see a thing like that.....
It got the shivers ! on him when he noticed that his
old guy was unusually pale and staring at him... The old guy said "Son
why don't you buy a book...it would keep you company".

Then my friend did something which he would regret for the rest of
His life. My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at
His collections...
My friend's hair started to stand on end as he noticed that all the
Books were related to supernatural activities...but he found one that was
Very interesting.

So he asked the old man "how much is it, uncle?"
The old guy replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's
Only for
Rs 250.

My friend was shocked and said "but...but... it's expensive"

This time the old man stared which freaked my friend.
My friend did not want to cross this scary old man, so he quickly
Checked all his pockets & found Rs.200 & said

"This is all I have." The old guy replied "It's OK son... you can have
The book for that price"

As my friend was just about to run for home...the old man called back
& said "Son ... whatever happens, don't ever flip the book to it's last
page... remember these words or you will regret...!!!!!"

My friend nodded and never looked back ... Reaching home...he quickly
Asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby?
The Uncle replied " I haven't seen him but ....we've heard that
there's 1 old man who comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard
that there is something creepy about it...why son?"

My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle... just
asking". He started reading the book with the old man's parting words on his
mind...
At night, 2 o'clock , as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which
Chilled him up to his bones. At that point, he noticed the wind had
blown th e pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has
said!
But we humans tend to have the tendency to know. Out of curiosity, he
flipped to the last page & fainted... What he saw at the last page
is stated below:

Don't look further down if you have a weak heart

I warn you

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Original price:-- Rs. 20/-

Promotion price:-- Rs. 10/-

**********************************
he he he he hhe hhe Don’t Search for me

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Who is the guy who was hindering my progress?

2008-03-18T21:38:00.000-07:00

One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big notice on the door on which it was written:

"Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym".

In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know, who was that man who hindered their growth of his colleagues and the company itself.

The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.

The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up.

Everyone thought: "Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!"

One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it, they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.

There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself.

There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:

"There is only one person, who is capable to set limits to your growth:

IT IS YOU.

You are the ONLY person who can revolutionize your life.

You are the only person, who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success.

You are the ONLY person who can help YOURSELF.

Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limited beliefs, when you realize that you are the ONLY one responsible for your life.

THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP YOU CAN HAVE IS THE ONE YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF! ".

Examine yourself. Watch yourself. Don’t be afraid of difficulties, impossibilities and losses: Be a WINNER, Build Yourself and Your Reality.

The world is like a Mirror. It gives back to anyone the reflection of the thoughts in which one has strongly believed.

The world and your reality are like mirrors lying in a coffin, which show to any individual the death of his divine capability to imagine and create his happiness and his success.

It’s the way you face Life that makes the difference.

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A Human resourse manager in Heaven

2008-03-14T05:02:00.000-07:00

One day while walking down the street a highly successful
Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul
arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter
himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it
seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a
Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to
do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let
you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said
the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went
down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green
of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing
in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had
worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for
her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind
of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having
such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody
shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found
St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24
hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had
great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came
and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you
must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd
say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a
better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down
back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were
dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and
had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
...
...
...
...
...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

as a HR u should know all these.,.u had to do all these from now,.,!!!!!

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How to recognise a male snake ?

2008-03-14T04:59:00.001-07:00

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An essay on indian cow

2008-03-14T04:55:00.000-07:00

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.This is a true essay written by a candidate at UPSC ( IAS ) Examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian Cow.

INDIAN COW

He is the cow.The cow is a successful animal.Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God , sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. What can it do? Various ghee,butter, cream, curd,why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in hte meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be parralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forewards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch.So the grasses head is not crushed.At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow........... Send this by mail to your english teacher and within 7 days ...... ..... She is surely gonna committ SUICIDE

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Little Johnny's Story....

2008-03-14T04:50:00.000-07:00

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subservientprogrammer

2008-03-14T04:40:00.000-07:00

Hats off to the guys who developed this.

Check out the following link

It works only in Internet Explorer

its really interesting.
Connect to this link. u will c a person sitting in front of the computer.
Type the words like "LAUGH" an d then press dispatch?..the person will do
that action .
Like laugh u can alsoj try walk,run,sleep,eat,etc...............

But it should be a
single word ,

http://www.subservientprogrammer.com/main.aspx

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All the time great Love story-3

2008-03-11T02:59:00.000-07:00

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she's settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.

It had been a year since Susan became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity.

'How could this have happened to me?' she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful truth, her sight was never going to return. A cloud of depression hung over Susan's once optimistic spirit. All she had to cling to was her husband Mark.

Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength she needed to become independent again.

Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task. Soon, however Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working - it was hectic, and costly.

Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react?

Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning me."

Mark's heart broke but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each day he would ride the bus with her until she got the hang of it.

And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.

Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend.

Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday....

Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better.

On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you." Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? "Why do you envy me?"

The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are." Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, "What do you mean?" The driver said, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady."

Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was blessed, so blessed, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness.

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her..."

So if you love someone be faithful to that person.

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Lessons in Logic

2008-03-11T02:58:00.000-07:00

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......

Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?

............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......

Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......

Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.

............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

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Munnabai Software programmer

2008-03-11T02:49:00.000-07:00

This is the dailouges of Munnabai Software Programmer who acted earlier as Munnabai MBBS and Lage Raho Munnabai

appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum...
saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai...

copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush...!!!

fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?

are kaiko ?

arre kaiko re?

fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila.....

ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!

saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya ....

computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa...!!!

din bhar appun computer ke aagge...

koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi...

Boss bola kya be munna saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya...!!!

ye munnabhai kya coding bana rela hai baap...!!!

(fir ...? fir kya huwa..?)

fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya...

form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya...!!!

lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya ....!!!

par module me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya ....!!!

appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali... aapun ke
coding ki poori waat laga di.... appun udharich khadaa thaa... par
appun kuch nahi bola... kaiko bolega? kaiko...?

saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa... usme bhi itne bugs...

par appun ek aansu nahi roya...

kaiko royega...?

kaiko..?

saala appunich yedaa thaa naa...!!!

agale din se phir wohi life chalu...

wohi mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi assignments... saala itnaa mails forward kiya...itnaa mails forward kiya...
log
samze mail server down hoyega... bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya
karega...!!!

training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai...

haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai...

(phir ...? phir kya huwa..?)

fir ...?

fir kya...?

fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila...!!!

shaappak...

saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya .....

computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa...!!!

ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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The link between man & god is FAITH

2008-03-11T02:41:00.000-07:00

Don't miss even a single word...Every second is worth reading this Post

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof:

So you believe in God?

Student:

Absolutely, sir.

Prof :

Is God good?

Student:

Sure.

Prof:

Is God all-powerful?

Student :

Yes.

Prof:

My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.

Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent..)

Prof:

You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student:

Yes.

Prof:

Is Satan good?

Student :

No.

Prof:

Where does Satan come from?

Student:

From...God.. .

Prof:

That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student:

Yes.

Prof:

Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student:

Yes.

Prof:

So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof:

Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student:

Yes, sir.

Prof:

So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof:

Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.

Tell me, son...Have you ever

seen God?

Student:

No, sir.

Prof:

Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student:

No, sir.

Prof:

Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student:

No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof:

Yet you still believe in Him?

Student:

Yes.

Prof:

According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist.

What do you say to that, son?

Student:

Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof:

Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student:

Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof:

Yes.

Student:

And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof:

Yes.

Student:

No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student :

Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat.

But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go

any further after that.

There is no such thing as cold . Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of

heat

. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy . Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student:

What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof:

Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student :

You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright

light, flashing light....But if

you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In

reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make

darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof:

So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student:

Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof:

Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student:

Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.

Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof:

If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student:

Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going..)

Student:

Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)

Student:

Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student :

Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir.

With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )

Prof:

I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student:

That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH .. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

I believe you have enjoyed this post. ..and if so...you'll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same...won't you?....

this is a true story, and the

student was none other than........ ..

APJ Abdul Kalam , the former president of India

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UnAnswered Questions for Microsoft

2008-03-10T19:54:00.000-07:00

MAGIC #1

An Indian discovered that nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the
computer which can be named as "CON". I think for "nul" folder also it will work(try it also)
This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW ,IT WILL NOT CREATE " CON " FOLDER

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----------------------------------

MAGIC #2

For those of you using Windows, do the following:

1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3.) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.

is it just a really weird bug? Confused?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------------------------------------

MAGIC #3

microsoft crazy facts

This is something pretty cool and neat...and unbelievable. .. At
Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this
happened!

It was discovered by a Brazilian. Try it out yourself...

Open Microsoft Word and type

=rand (200, 99)

And then press ENTER

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A Car Without Driver

2008-03-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

it really happened.... This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!! Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming (remember, this is in the hills and there is a steep, steep drop beyond the curve). Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend. Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small town. Wet and in shock goes to a roadside dhabba, which is open, and asks for a drink. They find some hooch and give him a shot. And he starts telling whoever is in the dhabba about the horrible experience he's just been through. A silence envelops everybody when they realize the guy isn't drunk, and is really frightened - he's crying and shaking. So they give him more hooch and talk about what they should do, whether to call the police or find a priest, or what. But just then...................... Two guys (Santa Singh & Banta Singh) walk into the dhabba. One says to the other "Look, Banta - that's the guy who got in our car when we were pushing it."

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