FunPen: Jan 29, 2008

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Treatment

One man went to consult as he is very thin and doesn't grow well after having enough food, after diagnosis doctor said there is a worm inside his stomach it eats everything you eat and the man asked for the treatment. Doctor prescribed the treatment "From tomorrow onwards when you come to see myself come with a banana and an apple". The net day he came with a banana and an apple. Doctor told him to eat the banana and insert the apple through his back hole. After one month treatment there is no change except size of the back hole increased so that the apple can be thrown through the hole freely. He told the doctor " Doctor there is no change in my physical condition after one month of treatment " Doctor told him "when you come tomorrow come with a banana and a hammer instead of apple". The next day he came with banana and the hammer. Doctor let the man to eat the banana first and wait for a five minutes while the worm come out from his stomach and told the ill fated patient "You idiot trying to change my diet , where is my apple??" At the very moment the doctor thrashed the worm with the hammer and the insect dead.

Aids

Sardar Garbhajan singh went for his usual morning walk. At one junction he found a crowd. One man holding a syringe on one hand and the famous actress on the other hand. He threatens to inject the liquid which contain AIDS virus in to her body unless he is given a ransom of 10 corers of Rupees . Police men are helplessly watching. At this moment Garbachen rushed to the man and has a fight, he dropped the syringe, Police men arrested him. On the next day a ceremony is conducted to reward Garbachen. The chief guest CM of punjab while giving away the reward asked to the Garbachen " We are proud of you How did you show that much of courage even if you are aware of AIDS ?" Garbachen said "Sir I always wear a condom to avoid AIDS"

Sex

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

Snap

Banat singh was working in a studio as a photographer. One day he went to a function to take some snaps. While filling the film roll in to the camera it dropped down rolled beneath to the saree of an woman. Sardar hesitated for a moment and approached the woman and said "Could you please lift up the saree so that I can take the photo"

Judgement

Then there was the 85 year old woman who found her husband in bed with another woman. She was so enraged that she dragged him to the balcony of their high-rise apartment and pushed him to his death. When she appeared in court, the judge asked if she had anything to say in her own defence. "Well Your Honour," she replied, "I figured if at 92 he he could make love, he could fly too."

Electricity

A call from ladies hostel at night to electricity office" we lost the power send your men"" No Man here, Use Candles"

Ladies Room

While at the college Sardar happened to watch the notice board.It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room.Sardar writes under Let the men Permit to Enter

Marathon race

One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race."What the guys are doing" asked the sardar." We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner."Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar

Salt seller

Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt."No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a good salt seller."

New House

"I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that the gardener did it".

Crime Story

A Plane journey

A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep passengers calm, the air hostess brought out the beverage carts."I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something."Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".

One more plain crash

Garbachan singh was travelling from Calcutta to Bombay by a plane, There were one American, one Russian, one Pakistani and some other passengers. Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed that plane lost it's control and some of the passengers have to jump out to rescue the rest of them. Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai America" again the condition didn't change then the Russian jumped out from the plane saying "Jai Russia". But the condition still the same. The next is Garbachen's turn he hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani by saying "Jai India".

European Closst

Santa and Banta went to US They have stayed a five star hotel. Santa don't know how to use the European closet he dropped everything in a packet and placed it on one of the leaves of the fan. Banta came and switch on the fan and everything spread on the wall When the room boy came Santa gave a 10 dollars and told him to wash it off . But the Room boy gazed at it for a five minutes and taken a 25 dollars from the pocket and told to Santa "I will give you this 25 dollars if you say how did u do it so beautifully".

Photo Copy

One sardar needed two plain papers but he had only one.Do you know what he did: photocopied the one which he had. sardar are fun arn't

Brain Tumor

This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"

Jurassic Park

Call to the Next Door

Banta Singh dialed to talk to his dear pal Santa Singh "Is that 6545224?." asked Banta Singh. "No this is 6545225." came the reply. After thinking for few seconds Banta Singh replied "No matter, please call Mr. Santa Singh from next door

Going to the Sun

Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts. One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun." "But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt." And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."

Banana Peel

So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking?? Saala aaj bhi girna padega!!!

Think Thunk Thunk

Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied ; Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!;

Suicide

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)

Punjabi and Bengali patriotism

A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters. They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same. They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names. The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".
4. Suicide

What is in a Name

When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didnt show anything about me in it!". The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called 'Border', but did you show anything about Allan Border in it?"

Plane Crash

Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - " May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban

A Police Story

Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and the Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force ward . The judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission . He who captures an adult Lion and brings it back alive in the fastest time will be adjudged the best . First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes back in half an hour with a Lion all tied up . Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion. Lastly the sardar brigade goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour , one hour goes and no sign of our saradrjis The judges give up and decide to search for them . They go into the forest . After some searching , they find the sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree . The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You are a lion).

Answer in "Brief"

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'."

Closed "Open Glass"

Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

Ticket Collector

The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.' 'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh, 'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'

Beta

'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise building. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.' 'I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman

Waiter

Banta Singh went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the waiter who came to serve him happened to be one of his classmate at school. Banta called him and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this?' 'Not at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only work in this place.'

Sweater

Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband . She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said : ' The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater

Witty Husband

A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' . One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'. That ended the husband's witticisms.

Sardar's Maruthi

One fine morning found Sardarji driving his new Maruti (which he called marrruttti very affectionately). Sardarji was very happy to be the owner of a marrruttti and was singing to himself. Suddenly, he collided with the milkman. The accident caused much damage to the milkman's bicycle and our guy was furious. Sardarji ran towards him mumbling apologies, but the our guy was not pacified. He shouted "Sardar, khoon ka badla khoon, torfoor ka badla torfoor". Saying so, he got a stout stick and starting hammering it on the windshield. Sardarji was shocked and tried to take the stick from him, requesting him to stop. But the milkman (who was incidently very stout) got hold of the Sardarji and carried him ten meters away from his marrruttti. He drew a small circle near the road with the stick and asked Sardarji to stay inside and not move outside the circle, threatening him with his stout stick for better measure. Now our Sardarji was not very brave at heart and coolly went to stand in the circle. Our milkman goes back to what he had left in the middle and starts on the headlights. After this, he starts on the rearlights. As soon as he breaks the first one, he hears a faint chuckle from the Sardarji. He breaks the other one, now he could distinctly hear the Sardarji laugh slightly. Enraged, he goes to the Sardarji and asks him why he was laughing. Sardarji says that it was nothing. He comes backs and resumes his assault on the poor marrruttti and as he goes on in this act, Sardarji's laughs become louder and louder. Enraged, the milkman increases his assault , but the laughs keep on increasing rather than decreasing. At last, the milkman can't stop himself. He goes to the Sardar and taking him by the collar, asks him the reason for laughing. Our Sardar at first says it was nothing, but when the milkman starts getting really rough, he breaks down. He says "If I tell you, you will beat me". The milkman, now very curious, promises not to do anything if the Sardar tells him. Satisfied about his safety, our Sardarji says "You know, while u were engaged there, I came out of the circle seventeen times"
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Train Journey

Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

Fill in Capital

One great day in Bombay, One young couple was on honeymoon tour. They saw one Sardarji in front of Hospital ( Bridge Candy ) was trying to fill some form. So eagerly couple enquired " aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho " Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. Young Couple as per prescheduled, they took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the very next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple curiously asked "Aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho" sardarji once again replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. Couple said, "But sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form. Why are you in Delhi ?". Sardaji coolly replied "Aare Saab Ye form mein leekha hey ke FILL IN CAPITAL" Aap ko etna bhi patta nahi hei .. Ha Ha Ha.....

Sardar with Red ears

A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."

Missing Donkey

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

Empty and Full Disks

Santa and Banta work in a software company.
One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building.
Santa was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk.
See how easily I am carrying it.
Yours has just 250 MB.
Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!

Lie Detector

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector .
The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine

Sardar's joke-santa singh MBBS

Santa Singh MBBS After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice. He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch. Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

Sardar's joke-why sacale?

Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?

A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........

Sardar's joke-Recognize sardar in school

Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College??? A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!

Sardar's joke-ATM password

A sardar was drawing money from ATM, The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). " The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"

Sardar's joke-Sardarini

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"