Meaning of a WIFE

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without
Information Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

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Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother"....
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....

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Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."


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A bus conductor

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to boardthe bus,but he didn't stop the bus.Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and diedon the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capitalpunishment.He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. Theconductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given tohim. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set himfree, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good lo! oking middle aged womantried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.Unfortunately,this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus anddied on the spot.Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turntook him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gavehimcapital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocutionchamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room anda single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to thechair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also toeveryone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, andhereturned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board thebus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences,stoppedthe b! us. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to hisinjuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then tothe court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, butconsidering his past record the judge decided to set an example andgave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the sameelectrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the centerof the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He wasstrapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This timehe died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but diedinstantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves.

This is rather interesting and answer isperfectly logical.

If necessary read the puzzle once again.!

Still you couldn't, Then see below.........

think hardcommon .............

tired....
wanna know the answer????

ok........

there is the Answer............

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time,hewas a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!!Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity!!

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A bus conductor

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A Car Without Driver

it really happened.... This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!! Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming (remember, this is in the hills and there is a steep, steep drop beyond the curve). Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend. Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small town. Wet and in shock goes to a roadside dhabba, which is open, and asks for a drink. They find some hooch and give him a shot. And he starts telling whoever is in the dhabba about the horrible experience he's just been through. A silence envelops everybody when they realize the guy isn't drunk, and is really frightened - he's crying and shaking. So they give him more hooch and talk about what they should do, whether to call the police or find a priest, or what. But just then...................... Two guys (Santa Singh & Banta Singh) walk into the dhabba. One says to the other "Look, Banta - that's the guy who got in our car when we were pushing it."


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What is Effective Communication?

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.


Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest,may I smoke while I pray?"

But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good

Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I

pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."


Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation? J


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A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"

The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and all mankind came from them."

Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her mother and says:

"Mummy, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Daddy says we developed from monkeys?"

The mother answers: "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his."



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Answer on a Blonde's Geometry test

Question: The base of a Right angle traingle is 4 cm and the adjacent side is 3 cm as shown in figure then what is hypotuneus in figure refered as x?

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Meeting With Ghost

Once upon a time there was a boy in a town. He was only son of his parents. He felt lonely so he started praying. One day God was so happy with his prayer so he appeared at his place and asked him to wish any thing. The boy said to God, "I feel lonely so give me one friend". God promised him, "he would send one friend for him". He became happy after hearing these words. God went back to heaven. God checked in all heaven but he did not find single person who was free to go to the earth that time. God was in toroble and worried. He sent his informer to many places but he did not find any friend for his best child. Next day one of his informers came and told him that there was one woman in hell. She was free to go to the earth.The Informer told him all about that girl. She was a ghost because she murdered one guy when she was alive. God thought and sent her on the earth in the night. That time boy was dreaming about his upcoming new friend. Ghost appeared into the room. The boy woke up and he screamed to give her identity. She told every thing to the boy. Boy accepted her as his new friend. However, their was a problem, that only boy could hear her and see her also she had bad and ugly face but she had soft heart. Slowly and gradually they both felt in love.

After one year God again came on the earth to see boy was happy or not. He appeared at his place and asked him to wish again any thing. Then boy said "Please make visible to my wife because now she is my life." God fulfilled his wish by giving good face to her and then they lived happily

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Funny Uses of a Chair

We encounter them in everyday life. You yourself, probably own several. But, have you ever considered the various uses of a chair? This article will present to you, ten uses for a standard chair.

1. Sit on it. This is a great way to relieve the stress of tired feet. At the end of a long day, come home and sit down. Sitting, also can be combined with various fun activities such as eating, watching TV, and taking off your shoes. Highly recommended.

2. Stand on it. Can’t reach that top shelf where you stashed that bottle of vodka? Stand on a chair. Chairs have been used to reach things in high places for thousands of years. While the use of this method declined after the invention of the stepladder, its popularity is now making a comeback.

3. Put things on it. If you find yourself without a convenient table on which to put your bag, and you don’t want to put it on the floor, why not rest it on a chair? This cuts your energy usage in half as you only have to bend half way down to pick it up. Get creative, don’t just place objects on the flat seat, drape things across the back too!

4. Use it as a weapon. If you find yourself suddenly in a bar room brawl, or fending off a knife wielding maniac, pick up a chair and hit someone with it. You may have to pay someone for any damage you create, so save this use for self-defence or special occasions.

5. Burn it. Forgot to pay your power bill, and you’re shivering in the dark? Burn a chair. They now provide light and heat. (Make sure you own any chair you are about to ignite.)

6. Use it to jam a door. As seen in the movies, it is possible to wedge the back of a chair under a doorknob to prevent a door from being opened. This is useful for preventing anyone from entering a room that you are in. Be aware that this only works on doors that open inwards.

7. Use it to play practical jokes on your family and friends. Rearrange furniture in the dark. Laugh at the hilarity created when the subject of your practical joke stumbles into them on their way to the bathroom.

8. Throw it out a window. Enjoy one of the perks of being a rock star. Throw a chair out the window to test the trajectory, and see if it’s possible to get the TV in the pool from the tenth floor.

9. Turn it into a vehicle. By attaching wheels, skis, or a hull, you can create a cheap and effective mode of transportation.

10. Use it as a pet. You’ve heard of a pet rock? Why not a pet chair? They are cheap to own, require no food, and need only occasional dusting. What is more, they are quiet, and don’t stink up the house. Despite having four legs, there is yet to be a single case of one running away. So there you go. Ten contemporary uses for the standard chair. If you feel that I have missed anything or wish to contribute your own chair uses and suggestions....

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A software proffesional's Love Letter

Sweetheart, I've seen you yesterday while surfing on
local train platform and realized that you are the only
site I was browsing for.
For long time, I’ve been lonely; this has been the bug in
my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.
My life is just uncompelled program without you which never
produces an executable code and hence is useless.

You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX
controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so
delightful which encourages me and gives power to me
equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.
When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my
program modules are running smoothly and giving expected
results. /* which I never experienced before */.

With this letter, I just want to convey you that, if we
are linked together, I’ll provide you all objects &
libraries necessary for human being to live a error free
life. Also don't bother about the firewall which may be
created by our parents as I've strong hacking
capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their
security passwords and make them agree for our marriage.
I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your
database so that my connect script will fail. And its
all certain that if this happened to me, my system will
crash beyond recovery.

Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all
privileges of your inbox.

- A Software Professional

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Anger management for ladies

Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.

How do you controlyour anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?Wife: I use your toothbrush.


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A software engineer's gift to barber for hair cut

There was a good old barber in Bangalore. One day a
florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am
doing a Community Service. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.


The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.



A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to
pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.



The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.



A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.


The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, guess what he finds there......


Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ...
....
(Believe me it's worth it!!!!!!!!!! )
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A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free
haircut... with Printouts of
Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut. :-(

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Seshu babu's seven up joke

It is my first year engineering semester exam days we are preparing hard for exams i used to stay in our college hostel and Seshu babu sir is the incharge of the our college and the hostel.
one evening iam preparing for forth coming exams sitting in the coridor in a chair along with our friends its a study hour in our hostel,iam studying serioulsy in suddenly i saw seshu babu sir coming straight to our batch through the way beside me he suddenly stopped beside me and grabbed the seven up bottle that i kept beside me which was filled with drinking water and he had a sip of water and he stared for a second at me then he said like this " Pawan you have cheated me" , wondering what i did i am thinking whats the wrong i did in the recent times,how do i would have cheated him.all of my friends are also seriously observing whats the discussion going in between us and they are also trying to guess how do i cheated him,i thought a week back i have gone for a movie insted of going for a movie after having haircut for which we have taken the permission,all my friends even thought the same,all of us thought that is how i would have cheated him.

After pushing us to think for a while how do i cheated him he said " Pawan i thought its really seven up is there in that bottle that is why i drank that but its water that is how i was cheated".god i just relaxed for i while and also we have a good laugh for a long time and also we used to laugh often remembering this joke,but we used to share the joy with all my frineds when i was in my engg but i have only my blog readers that is why i though to share my favourite person Mr.Seshu babu's jokes Series. keep laughing and keep reading my blog


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Where is GOD?

Two little boys, aged 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,

"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,

"Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "Boss we are in BIG trouble this time."

("I just LOVE reading next line again and again")

...........

...

...

...

...

...

...

....

"GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"


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Weight loss program

Weight Loss Program:


There's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair
of Nike
running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads: "If you
can catch me,
you
can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few
miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his
way with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the
same thing
happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find
he has
lost 10lbs., as promised. He then calls the company and orders their
5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and
there
stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in
his life.
She
is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her
neck
that reads: "If you catch me you can have me." Well, he's out the
door after
her
like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while
to
catch her; but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp
and
wheeze,
so for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his
delight,
on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost
another 20lb., as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the
company to order the
7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on
the phone, This
is
our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies," I haven't felt
this
good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it, he
finds this huge, muscular, 7 ft man standing there, wearing nothing
but
pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that read: "I'm Johnny.
If I catch you, you're mine........"



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The golden screw

Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button. In
its place was a golden screw. All the doctors told his mother that
there was nothing they could do. Like it or not, he was stuck with
it.

All the years of growing up were real tough on him, as all who saw
the screw made fun of him. He avoided ever leaving his house and
thus, never made any friends.

One day, while surfing the internet, he learned of a swami in Tibet
that could get rid of the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next
day he took his life's savings and bought a ticket to Nepal.

After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant
monastery. The swami knew exactly why he had come. He was told to
sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day
when he awoke, the screw would have been removed.

The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep. During the
night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window,
bearing in its mist, a golden screwdriver. In just moments, the
screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out of the window.

The next morning when the man awoke, he saw the golden screw laying
on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel, and
there was no screw there! Jubilant, he leaped out of bed, but in
seconds, his butt fell off.

The moral to this is:

Don't screw around with things you don't understand or you'll lose
your butt.

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The bottle of wine

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married,
or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the
next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of
the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car
and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent
nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey,
Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo
woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed
a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine.
I got it for my husband.."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two ... then
speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

"Good trade ..."


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The wishing well

A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny.

The husband decided to make a wish, too. But he leaned over too much,
fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a while but
then smiled "Wow! It really works!"


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