Little instructions on life - by some of the sweetest

1) Never trust a dog to watch your food.

-Patrick, Age 10

2) When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.

-Matthew, Age 12

3) Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.

-Andrew, Age 9

4) Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.

- Rocky, Age 9

5) Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.

-Stephanie, Age 8

6) Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

-Rosemary, Age 7

7) Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower.

- Lamar, Age 10


8) Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars - when your parents are doing taxes.

- Carrol, Age 9


9) Never bug a pregnant mom.

-Ncholas, Age 11


10) Don't ever be too full for dessert

-Kelly, Age 10


11) When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. ----

-Heather, Age 16

12) Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

-Michael, Age 14


13) Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

-Joel, Age 12


14) When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. –

- Alyesha, Age 13


15) Never try to baptize a cat.

-Laura, Age 13


16) Never spit when on a roller coaster.

- Scott, Age 11


17) Never do pranks at a police station.

-Sam, Age 10


18) Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving.

-Rob, Age 10

19) Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.


-Molly, Age 11


20) Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.

-Chelsey, Age 7


21) Stay away from prunes.

-Randy, Age 9


22) Never dare your little brother to paint the family car

-Phillip, Age 13


23) Forget the cake, go for the icing.

-Cynthia, Age 8


24) Remember the two places you are always welcome -church and grandma's house.

- Joanne, Age 11

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A Letter to god : A perfect example for indian tax structure

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes ... "


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Thought 4


Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.


The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me." The whole audience including priest started laughing.......... but not the poor groom!

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Thoughts on men : Thought 3

Thought 3

Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?" This is the best!!!

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Thoughts on men : Thought 2

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of: Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.


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Thoughts on men : Thought 1

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.

When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.

When we die, our widows get the life insurance.

What do women want to be liberated from?


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The perfect boss !

There were about 70 scientists working on a

very hectic project. All of them were really

frustrated due to the pressure of work and the

demands of their boss but everyone was loyal

to him and did not think of quitting the job.


One day, one scientist came to his boss and told

him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I

will take them to the exhibition going on in our

township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.


His boss replied "OK, You're permitted to leave

the office early today"


The Scientist started working. He continued his

work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such

an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt

he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 PM.

Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had

given to his children. He looked for his boss, He

was not there. Having told him in the morning

itself, he closed everything and left for home. Deep

within himself, he was feeling guilty for having

disappointed his children.He reached home.

Children were not there. His wife alone was sitting

in the hall and reading magazines.

The situation was explosive, any talk would

boomerang on him. His wife asked him "Would you

like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve

dinner if you are hungry.

The man replied "If you would like to have coffee,

i too will have but what about Children ??"

Wife replied "You don't know ?? Your manager

came here at 5.15 PM and has taken the children

to the exhibition "



What had really happened was ...

The boss who granted him permission was

observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM.

He thought to himself, this person will not leave

the work, but if he has promised his children they

should enjoy the visit to exhibition.



So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition

The boss does not have to do it everytime. But

once it is done, loyalty is established.



That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued

to work under their boss eventhough the stress

was tremendous.



By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the

boss was..?















He was none other than

Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, Former-President of India . . ..


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No one is Flaw less

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he
carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always Delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the House, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments,Perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was Ashamed of its own imperfection. And miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes Water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my Flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said. The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw. So I
Planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house?

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life.


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Management stories part-III

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he

thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to

discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could

perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away fromher,

and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears

you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a

response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he washing

the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what

happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from

his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from

his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response so,

He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's

for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:

The problem may not be with the other one as we always think,

could be very much within us..!


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Management stories : When one eye is fixed upon your destination, there is only one eye left with which to find the Way

A young boy traveled across Japan to the school of a famous martial artist. When he arrived at the dojo he was given an audience by the sensei.

“What do you wish from me?” the master asked.

“I wish to be your student and be the finest karateka in the land,” the boy replied. “How long must I study?”

“Ten years at least,” the master answered.

“Ten years is a long time,” said the boy. “What if I studied twice as hard as all your other students?”

“Twenty years,” replied the master.

“Twenty years! What if I practice day and night with all my effort?”

“Thirty years,” was the master’s reply.

“How is it that each time I say I will work harder, you tell me that it will take longer?” the boy asked.

“The answer is clear. When one eye is fixed upon your destination, there is only one eye left with which to find the Way.”

Source: Original source unknown, my source was the book Zen in the Martial Arts by Joe Hyams