Confident vs. confidential

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and
confidential? "
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over
there, is also my son, that's confidential! "

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Meaning of a WIFE

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without
Information Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

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Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother"....
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....

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Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."


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A bus conductor

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to boardthe bus,but he didn't stop the bus.Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and diedon the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capitalpunishment.He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. Theconductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given tohim. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set himfree, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good lo! oking middle aged womantried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.Unfortunately,this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus anddied on the spot.Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turntook him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gavehimcapital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocutionchamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room anda single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to thechair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also toeveryone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, andhereturned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board thebus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences,stoppedthe b! us. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to hisinjuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then tothe court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, butconsidering his past record the judge decided to set an example andgave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the sameelectrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the centerof the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He wasstrapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This timehe died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but diedinstantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves.

This is rather interesting and answer isperfectly logical.

If necessary read the puzzle once again.!

Still you couldn't, Then see below.........

think hardcommon .............

tired....
wanna know the answer????

ok........

there is the Answer............

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time,hewas a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!!Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity!!

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A bus conductor

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What happens if 1 Rupee = 45 Dollars

Enjoy with Future India after 50 Years.


What happens if 1 rupee = 45 dollars !............ ......... ....


Scene 1:

Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US Some s/w

Some software engineers are Watching some photographs.

s/w engg 1 : What's that?

s/w engg 2 : Bob's photographs from India ..

s/w engg 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?

s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Mumbai

s/w engg 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.

s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan...

s/w engg 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs? Nearly 60K..... Say it in dollars... (60000*45 = 27,00,000 dollars)

s/w engg 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.

s/w engg 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.

[Everybody excited.]

SCENE 2:

Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California , US

s/w engg 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will fly to India

s/w engg 2 : Ohhh.... When is the party?

s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.

s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?

s/w engg 1 : I'll be working in a company in Sadashiv Peth

s/w engg 2 : Oh! Sadashiv Peth. Great yaar.

where it is...

s/w engg 1 : It is in Pune ..

s/w engg 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California .. You'll love the weather yaar.

s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?

s/w engg 1: You know Municipal Corporation of Pune ?

s/w engg 3 : Yeah. MCP. One of my friends is there in the RoadRepair & Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are workingin the cutting edge of technology there.

s/w engg 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department ofthe GCU.

s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means...?

s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.

s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about that country.You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like here. SeeI'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control. I hate this.

s/w engg 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it tothe HRD.

[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]

SCENE 3 :

Venue: IBM, New York , US

(Conversation between a Male s/w engg. and Female s/w engg.)

Male : Hi!

Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.

Male : What??

Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doinghis Ph.D in V.T.U and he's coming here for a month. His study will be over in 2 months.

He's already got a job in MSEB. We planned to settle in Banglore itself... I'm also planning to work there.Let's see... Male: Good luck... dont forget us & US...

SCENE 4 :

Venue: Intel Corp. US

s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the IGNOU with scholarship for B.A History. A greatnew field yaar...
All are excited... George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.

s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.

s/w engg 1 : B.A in Histroy...ohh. ....man, enjoy your life there?

s/w engg 2 : : Got full aid, eh? George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees per Year.

s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy. s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees...! that means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars... with that amount I can buy a three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!!

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porno poem

John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's
side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she
was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might
spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into the room and
asked him: 'Bring this note to your beautiful Mummy.' The note read:

The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.

Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son: 'Bring this to
your silly Daddy.' The note read:

Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.

John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to
take it back to 'The lady in the kitchen'. The note read:

The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.

Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to 'Take this to
the poor man upstairs'. The note read:

I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand!


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Wanna become a smart Design Engineer

Once a smart Design engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards
Ooty in a train. Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting
along with her grand ma. With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started
between our engineer & that girl. After some minutes, train started moving
in to a tunnel and it was very dark.

Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping..
Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed
my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately
slapped that guy."

PM thought that,"I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it
is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"

That girl thought that,"I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel
sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".

Finally, do u know what our clever Design engineer thought?
























" This one minute in my life is wonderful, It hardly comes...because, at a
time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM."


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Old Weird looking Book seller on a Full moon night

If you know some one staying in Pune let them know this. If you are
In pune, do go through this story COZ, its a real one. Read this true
story... and let everybody you know in and around Pune especially University
Road
.........

My friend lives in Deccan ... One day he went to University Road to
Visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding in Lonavla.
One evening he and some other of my college friends went to Adlabs for a
movie.
He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late.
He caught the last PMT to University Road ..... he reached University
Road around midnight...... He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to
home.... As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt
very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an
old weird-looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to
see a thing like that.....
It got the shivers ! on him when he noticed that his
old guy was unusually pale and staring at him... The old guy said "Son
why don't you buy a book...it would keep you company".

Then my friend did something which he would regret for the rest of
His life. My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at
His collections...
My friend's hair started to stand on end as he noticed that all the
Books were related to supernatural activities...but he found one that was
Very interesting.

So he asked the old man "how much is it, uncle?"
The old guy replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's
Only for
Rs 250.

My friend was shocked and said "but...but... it's expensive"

This time the old man stared which freaked my friend.
My friend did not want to cross this scary old man, so he quickly
Checked all his pockets & found Rs.200 & said

"This is all I have." The old guy replied "It's OK son... you can have
The book for that price"

As my friend was just about to run for home...the old man called back
& said "Son ... whatever happens, don't ever flip the book to it's last
page... remember these words or you will regret...!!!!!"

My friend nodded and never looked back ... Reaching home...he quickly
Asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby?
The Uncle replied " I haven't seen him but ....we've heard that
there's 1 old man who comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard
that there is something creepy about it...why son?"

My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle... just
asking". He started reading the book with the old man's parting words on his
mind...
At night, 2 o'clock , as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which
Chilled him up to his bones. At that point, he noticed the wind had
blown th e pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has
said!
But we humans tend to have the tendency to know. Out of curiosity, he
flipped to the last page & fainted... What he saw at the last page
is stated below:

Don't look further down if you have a weak heart

I warn you

...........

...........

...........

...........

...........

...........

...........

...........

..........

..........

..........

..........

..........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

….....

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

.........

Original price:-- Rs. 20/-

Promotion price:-- Rs. 10/-

**********************************
he he he he hhe hhe Don’t Search for me


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A Human resourse manager in Heaven

One day while walking down the street a highly successful
Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul
arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter
himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it
seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a
Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to
do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let
you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said
the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went
down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green
of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing
in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had
worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for
her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind
of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having
such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody
shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found
St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24
hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had
great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came
and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you
must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd
say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a
better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down
back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were
dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and
had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
...
...
...
...
...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

as a HR u should know all these.,.u had to do all these from now,.,!!!!!


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How to recognise a male snake ?

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An essay on indian cow

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.This is a true essay written by a candidate at UPSC ( IAS ) Examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian Cow.

INDIAN COW

He is the cow.The cow is a successful animal.Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God , sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. What can it do? Various ghee,butter, cream, curd,why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in hte meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be parralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forewards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch.So the grasses head is not crushed.At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow........... Send this by mail to your english teacher and within 7 days ...... ..... She is surely gonna committ SUICIDE


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Little Johnny's Story....

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subservientprogrammer

Hats off to the guys who developed this.

Check out the following link

It works only in Internet Explorer

its really interesting.
Connect to this link. u will c a person sitting in front of the computer.
Type the words like "LAUGH" an d then press dispatch?..the person will do
that action .
Like laugh u can alsoj try walk,run,sleep,eat,etc...............


But it should be a
single word ,

http://www.subservientprogrammer.com/main.aspx


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Lessons in Logic

Lessons in Logic



If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......


Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?

............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......


Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......


How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......


Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......

Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......


Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......


The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......


Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......


The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.


............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........


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UnAnswered Questions for Microsoft

MAGIC #1

An Indian discovered that nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the
computer which can be named as "CON". I think for "nul" folder also it will work(try it also)
This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW ,IT WILL NOT CREATE " CON " FOLDER

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----------------------------------

MAGIC #2

For those of you using Windows, do the following:

1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3.) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.

is it just a really weird bug? Confused?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------------------------------------


MAGIC #3

microsoft crazy facts

This is something pretty cool and neat...and unbelievable. .. At
Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this
happened!

It was discovered by a Brazilian. Try it out yourself...

Open Microsoft Word and type

=rand (200, 99)

And then press ENTER




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A Car Without Driver

it really happened.... This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!! Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming (remember, this is in the hills and there is a steep, steep drop beyond the curve). Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend. Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small town. Wet and in shock goes to a roadside dhabba, which is open, and asks for a drink. They find some hooch and give him a shot. And he starts telling whoever is in the dhabba about the horrible experience he's just been through. A silence envelops everybody when they realize the guy isn't drunk, and is really frightened - he's crying and shaking. So they give him more hooch and talk about what they should do, whether to call the police or find a priest, or what. But just then...................... Two guys (Santa Singh & Banta Singh) walk into the dhabba. One says to the other "Look, Banta - that's the guy who got in our car when we were pushing it."


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What is Effective Communication?

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.


Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest,may I smoke while I pray?"

But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good

Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I

pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."


Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation? J


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A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"

The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and all mankind came from them."

Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her mother and says:

"Mummy, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Daddy says we developed from monkeys?"

The mother answers: "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his."



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