Relatives

A couple was driving through the countryside after a heated argument. As they passed a ranch, the two turned to see a mule munching on grass. Upon seeing this, the wife turned to her husband. "Relative of yours?" she asked."Yes," the husband responded, "by marriage."

Be Jesus

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin - 5 and Ryan - 3. Theboys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother sawthe opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say , 'Let my brother have the first pancake... I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

Interesting management stories-part II

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"

Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"

Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!

Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "

Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene :As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world:IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

Interesting management stories-part I

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene :Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral :IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world :IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES

Success of marriage!

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.
This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" .
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"
Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after. "

To be successful in life

Father: "I want you to
marry a girl of my choice" *


Son: "I will choose my own bride!"


Father: "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."


Son: "Well, in that case...ok"


Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.


Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."


Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"


Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of
the World Bank."


Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"


Finally Father goes to see the president of the
World Bank.


Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."


President : "But I already have more vice- presidents
than I need!"


Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."


President : "Ah, in that case...ok"


This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, you can get
anything. However, your attitude should be positive

Modern Mathematics

Modern Mathematics

Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that Work (Eqn 1)


******************************************************

Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money (Eqn 2)
If Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys (Eqn 3)


******************************************************


Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend (Eqn 4)
If, Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys (Eqn 5)


******************************************************


To Conclude:
From Eqn 3 and Eqn 5
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend
So,
Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
From Eqn 2 + Eqn 4, we have
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend
From Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys
And the Donkeys live happily ever after!

PLZ DON'T MISTAKE ME (hope u all njoyyyyy)

Why Braindrain?

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was
offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.
One day the lion thought it's prayers were answered when a US Zoo
Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo
management to shift the lion to a US zoo.
The lion was pleased and started thinking of a central A/C
environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card .
On it's first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag,
sealed very nicely, for breakfast. It opened the bag quickly but was
shocked to see that it contained only a few bananas.
Controlling its anger, the lion thought that may be they cared too
much for him as they were worried about his stomach as
he had recently shifted from India. The next day the same thing
happened.
On the third day again the
same food bag of bananas was delivered. Now the lion was furious. It stopped the delivery boy and blasted
him, "Don't you know, I am the lion...King of the Jungle....What's
wrong with your management? What nonsense is this ? Why are you
delivering bananas to me ?"
The delivery boy politely said, "Sir, I know you are the King of the
Jungle but....do you know that you have been brought here on a
Monkey's visa!!!
Moral: Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!

Always allow your boss to speak First

A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".
So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff" and he was also gone. The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm"
Moral of the story is:
Always allow the boss to speak first..!

Tax structure in India - Funny but true!

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax

5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

10) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

11) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

12) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

13) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

14) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

15) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

16) Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

17) Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

18) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

19) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

20) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!