Diet Soda

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

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Clothes dryer

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

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Cantaloupe

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

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Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

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Bar-be-que

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

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Airhead

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.


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Argument

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

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Economist valentine

Top economist Valentine's Day cards

4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.

3. Let's raise housing starts together.

2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.

1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.

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Sending valentine cards

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

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I just had a dream about that:valentine's day gift

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

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