gynecologist visit

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

"Come now," coaxed the doctor, " you've been seeing me for years. There's nothing you can't tell me."

"This one's kind of strange..."

"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.

"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies."

"I see."

"That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl."
"That night," she went on, "I went again,
plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were quarters. You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!," she implored.
"I'm scared out of my wits!"

The gynecologist put a comforting
hand on her shoulder.
"There, there, it's nothing to be scared about."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're simply going through the change."

Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email

The empty nest

Ok I love my daughter and my son but what happened to the empty nest? I spent years raising them so they would be able to go on their own. All those years the BATTLE CRY was we want to be on our own ; do what we want and ok. The day came when they went out the door to their freedom their independence; I showed a tear or too but when they were out of sight I cranked up the cd player to MY MUSIC and danced around the kitchen. Ok sex with my husband no longer had to be carefully planned; no more music that made no sense to me, quiet dinners with my husband; when the phone rang it was for me. Ok this lasted for a few months and then one day my daughter is at the door her and the boyfriend have split up and so back home to mom and dad. Ok that was not too bad and then she moved out this time for good and GUESS WHAT we skip from the 80's to 2006 and Mom is a widow but happy on her own dating and enjoying life and the son shows up on her doorstep and ok he needs to stay for awhile out of work for the first time in 10 years and so Mom shares her apartment her phone her computer with him; she can date but he wants to know everything about who and why . Ok I know this will soon end RIGHT? Mom will be alone again YES that day will come.

So trust me the Empty Nest is just fiction made up by those that want to make money by selling you ideas and perhaps pills to deal with being without the kids; they leave screaming freedom but always return and WHY no rent no bills plenty of food OK OK iam teasing this tale is true and I just wanted to put a funny spin on it lol hugs jackie

Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email

I had it all

A man was complaining to a friend, "I had it all - money, a
magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a beautiful woman...
then, poof! It was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend.
"My wife found out..."

Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email

Having a Bad day.

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor cut and bleeding. On seeing the motorcycle lying next to him and the shattered patio door the wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital the wife righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline and threw the towels in the toilet.
The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance.
The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street, accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard. One of them slipped and tipped the stretcher dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm - Taken from a Florida Newspaper.
and
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him, with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman

Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email

Who would know ?

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!"

Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email

Grandparents

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change,
and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret

Grandmothers are just "antique" little girls. ~Author Unknown

Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.
~Welsh Proverb

A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead
of the television. ~Author Unknown

Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just
a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam Brown


Grandchildren don't stay young forever, which is good because
Grandfathers have only so many horsey rides in them. ~Gene Perret

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.
~Ogden Nash

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just
you all day and now the day was complete. ~ Marcy DeMaree

Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. ~Author unknown

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our
hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren,
I'd have had them first. ~Lois Wyse

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after
two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. ~Gene Perret

If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should
advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is
no fun for old people like it! ~Hannah Whithall Smith

It's such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that's why the
world calls her grandmother. ~Author Unknown

Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing
old. ~Mary H. Waldrip

You do not really understand something unless you can explain
it to your grandmother. ~Proverb

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again.
Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. ~Gene Perret

The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You
feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long
periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. ~Dave Barry

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for
self-defense. ~Gene Perret

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas
are short on criticism and long on love. ~Author Unknown

Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do.
Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of
little children. ~Alex Haley


Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of
practice. ~Author Unknown

A grandparent is old on the outside but young on
the inside. ~Author Unknown

One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new
grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. ~Joy Hargrove

It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you
become one. ~Author Unknown

If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses,
sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the
time," you're the grandma. ~Teresa Bloomingdale

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have
around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their
grandchildren. ~Author Unknown

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say
that grandparents are God's gifts to children. And if they can
but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they
can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge
that he's married to a grandmother. ~G. Norman Collie



Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email

Boudreaux

Boudreaux died and was on his way down to Hell. In anticipation, the
Devil turned up the thermostat to make it extra warm for Boudreaux.
When Boudreaux arrived, the Devil asked, "Hey, Boudreaux, how do you
like the heat down here?"

Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's just fine. It reminds me of Bayou PonPon
in July."

That made the Devil mad. That night, he turned the thermostat up all
the way it could go. Man it was hot! When Boudreaux woke up, the
Devil asked him, "NOW, how do you like it down here?"

Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's fine. It reminds me of August on Bayou
Lafourche."

As you might expect, that made the Devil all the more mad. Well, that
night, he turned the thermostat down all the way it could go! The
whole place frosted over. Icicles started forming from the rafters.
When Boudreaux woke up, the Devil asked him, "How you like it NOW,
Boudreaux?"

Boudreaux, shivering, through blue lips, says, "Mais cher, I'm one
happy Cajun!

The Devil was infuriated! He yelled, "What do you mean you're one
happy Cajun?!!

Boudreaux, still shivering says, "The Saints done won the Super Bowl!"


Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email

And there will be three

The newly wed wife said to her husband when
He returned from work: "I have great news for
You. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this
House instead of two."
The husband started glowing with happiness
And kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the
Happiest man in the world."
But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that
Way because tomorrow morning my mother
Moves in with us."


Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email

Father' occupation

What's your father's occupation?" asked the
teacher on the first day of the new academic
year.

"He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?"

"He saws people in half."

"Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers or
sisters?"

"One half brother and two half sisters."


Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email

The will

The lawyer was reading out the Will of a rich man to the people
mentioned in the Will:

"To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me in the rough times, as well
as the good; the house and $2 million.

"To my daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the
business going; the yacht, the business and $1 million.

"And to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I
would not remember him in my Will, you were wrong: Hello, Dan!"



Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email