A Human resourse manager in Heaven

One day while walking down the street a highly successful
Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul
arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter
himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it
seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a
Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to
do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let
you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said
the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went
down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green
of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing
in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had
worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for
her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind
of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having
such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody
shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found
St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24
hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had
great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came
and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you
must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd
say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a
better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down
back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were
dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and
had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
...
...
...
...
...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

as a HR u should know all these.,.u had to do all these from now,.,!!!!!


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How to recognise a male snake ?

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An essay on indian cow

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.This is a true essay written by a candidate at UPSC ( IAS ) Examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian Cow.

INDIAN COW

He is the cow.The cow is a successful animal.Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God , sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. What can it do? Various ghee,butter, cream, curd,why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in hte meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be parralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forewards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch.So the grasses head is not crushed.At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow........... Send this by mail to your english teacher and within 7 days ...... ..... She is surely gonna committ SUICIDE


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Little Johnny's Story....

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subservientprogrammer

Hats off to the guys who developed this.

Check out the following link

It works only in Internet Explorer

its really interesting.
Connect to this link. u will c a person sitting in front of the computer.
Type the words like "LAUGH" an d then press dispatch?..the person will do
that action .
Like laugh u can alsoj try walk,run,sleep,eat,etc...............


But it should be a
single word ,

http://www.subservientprogrammer.com/main.aspx


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All the time great Love story-3

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she's settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.

It had been a year since Susan became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity.

'How could this have happened to me?' she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful truth, her sight was never going to return. A cloud of depression hung over Susan's once optimistic spirit. All she had to cling to was her husband Mark.

Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength she needed to become independent again.

Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task. Soon, however Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working - it was hectic, and costly.

Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react?

Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning me."

Mark's heart broke but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each day he would ride the bus with her until she got the hang of it.

And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.

Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend.

Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday....

Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better.

On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you." Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? "Why do you envy me?"

The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are." Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, "What do you mean?" The driver said, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady."

Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was blessed, so blessed, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness.

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her..."

So if you love someone be faithful to that person.



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Lessons in Logic

Lessons in Logic



If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......


Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?

............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......


Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......


How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......


Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......

Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......


Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......


The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......


Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......


The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.


............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........


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Munnabai Software programmer

This is the dailouges of Munnabai Software Programmer who acted earlier as Munnabai MBBS and Lage Raho Munnabai

appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum...
saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai...

copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush...!!!

fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?

are kaiko ?

arre kaiko re?

fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila.....

ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!

saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya ....

computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa...!!!

din bhar appun computer ke aagge...

koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi...

Boss bola kya be munna saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya...!!!

ye munnabhai kya coding bana rela hai baap...!!!

(fir ...? fir kya huwa..?)

fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya...

form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya...!!!

lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya ....!!!

par module me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya ....!!!

appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali... aapun ke
coding ki poori waat laga di.... appun udharich khadaa thaa... par
appun kuch nahi bola... kaiko bolega? kaiko...?

saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa... usme bhi itne bugs...

par appun ek aansu nahi roya...

kaiko royega...?

kaiko..?

saala appunich yedaa thaa naa...!!!

agale din se phir wohi life chalu...

wohi mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi assignments... saala itnaa mails forward kiya...itnaa mails forward kiya...
log
samze mail server down hoyega... bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya
karega...!!!

training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai...

haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai...

(phir ...? phir kya huwa..?)

fir ...?

fir kya...?

fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila...!!!

shaappak...

saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya .....

computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa...!!!


ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo






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The link between man & god is FAITH

Don't miss even a single word...Every second is worth reading this Post


An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof:

So you believe in God?

Student:

Absolutely, sir.

Prof :

Is God good?

Student:

Sure.

Prof:

Is God all-powerful?

Student :

Yes.

Prof:

My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.

Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent..)

Prof:

You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student:

Yes.

Prof:

Is Satan good?

Student :

No.

Prof:

Where does Satan come from?

Student:

From...God.. .

Prof:

That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student:

Yes.

Prof:

Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student:

Yes.

Prof:

So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof:

Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student:

Yes, sir.

Prof:

So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof:

Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.

Tell me, son...Have you ever

seen God?

Student:

No, sir.

Prof:

Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student:

No, sir.

Prof:

Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student:

No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof:

Yet you still believe in Him?

Student:

Yes.

Prof:

According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist.

What do you say to that, son?

Student:

Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof:

Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student:

Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof:

Yes.

Student:

And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof:

Yes.

Student:

No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student :

Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat.

But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go

any further after that.

There is no such thing as cold . Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of

heat

. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy . Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student:

What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof:

Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student :

You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright

light, flashing light....But if

you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In

reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make

darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof:

So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student:

Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof:

Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student:

Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.

Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof:

If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student:

Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going..)

Student:

Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)

Student:

Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student :

Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir.

With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )

Prof:

I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student:

That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH .. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

I believe you have enjoyed this post. ..and if so...you'll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same...won't you?....

this is a true story, and the

student was none other than........ ..





APJ Abdul Kalam , the former president of India


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UnAnswered Questions for Microsoft

MAGIC #1

An Indian discovered that nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the
computer which can be named as "CON". I think for "nul" folder also it will work(try it also)
This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW ,IT WILL NOT CREATE " CON " FOLDER

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----------------------------------

MAGIC #2

For those of you using Windows, do the following:

1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3.) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.

is it just a really weird bug? Confused?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------------------------------------


MAGIC #3

microsoft crazy facts

This is something pretty cool and neat...and unbelievable. .. At
Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this
happened!

It was discovered by a Brazilian. Try it out yourself...

Open Microsoft Word and type

=rand (200, 99)

And then press ENTER




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